The Amazing Exploding Teenager And Her Mother

Tara is back from her trip east.  She spent a week there with a friend from her former middle school.  While she was off having a lovely time, being silly and staying up half the night, there was a major difference in our house.  Although the house was disappointingly filthier, there was also a LOT more family harmony.  Darn it.

She's a hard worker, is that one.  But her management style has a good bit of room for improvement.  By "good bit" I mean enough room to house a humpback whale.  She's particularly adept at taking offense where none was offered, and she'd been back less than one day before I wanted to throw something at her for that. 

My current strategy for a Tara-initiated fight is to charge in and forbid her to be offended.  If I also discover the other child to be at fault, I'll insist on an apology from them as well.  It might not be surprising to you that this strategy is not working. 

My previous strategy involved a lot of patient listening, exposition and empathizing of feelings.  This sounds marvelous, but it didn't work either.  We've had innumerable conversations about treating others with kind civility, and recognizing and removing the bossy rudeness from her repertoire.  So now, in a desperate effort to quell her multiple daily (sometimes it seems like hourly) combustions and let peace reign, my impatience kicked in and the simple forbidding began.  It is indeed a quick restorer of peace, but it does nothing to dispel her simmering feelings of ill-use hiding just under her very thin skin.  The additional side effect of the "simple forbidding method" seems also to be that I'm more and more tempted to use it on the occasional adult of my acquaintance.  I've not yet given in to that temptation.  I do recognize that it wouldn't be at all well-received.

Is there an eventual software upgrade that will ultimately fix this this bug, or in other words, will she outgrow it?  If I continue to make the behavior unwelcome will it eventually phase out?  Or are there other more effective strategies to try?