Team Sports: Sub-Zero Mitten Retrieval

We played a new team sport today: Sub-Zero Mitten Retrieval!  To play, you’ll need 5 players, a regulation zippy-bagged pair of high quality brand-name waterproof mittens, additional winter outerwear, a leaf rake, and a regulation aluminum extension ladder.   The mittens are put into play by the “Penitent” who exits the school bus and bets her younger brother, the “Informer”, that she can knock an icicle off the eve of the Neighbor’s roof with her zippy-bagged pair of mittens.  The mittens are in play when they’ve missed the icicles and instead, landed on the roof itself. 

 

The Mother and the Assistant join the game when the Informer and the tear-streaked Penitent tell their “story” and the Mother refuses to buy more mittens.  The Mother and Assistant don outdoor gear and grab a leaf-rake.  The Mother gets a parka, waterproof gloves and unzipped snow boots; the Assistant gets a parka, snow pants, knit hat, waterproof mittens, and snow boots.  The Mother, Assistant and Penitent move play to the Neighbor’s house a block away from home base.  They must first inform the Neighbor (whose only move is to goggle bewilderedly at the Mother and grant permission) before playing in her zone.  After wading through knee-high snowbanks and ascertaining that the rake and the players are too short to reach the mittens and that the players are not acrobats, the Mother sends the Assistant back to fetch the ladder from home base.  During the interval, the Penitent throws herself joyfully into a snowbank, soaking her thin gloves and hair; and the Mother alternately rolls her eyes at the absurdity of her lot in life and admonishes the Penitent.  The Assistant returns to play after 6 minutes with the ladder, and nearly gives herself frostbite after pulling off her gloves to help extend it.  The Mother finishes extending the ladder, puts it in place and sends the Penitent up while she and the Assistant brace the ladder. 

 

Play ends when the mittens are retrieved and all players return to home base with their equipment.  Points are awarded if the Mother keeps her temper, has snow packed ankles inside her boots and fogged-up glasses; if the Assistant’s fingers have chilblains, and she delivers self-righteous oldest-child style admonishments to the Penitent all the way home; and if the Penitent refrains from asking the Assistant why it took so long for her to get the ladder.  Extra chores are awarded if the Penitent’s original story doesn’t match the Informer’s report afterwards (ie. if she says the mittens are on the roof due to accidental over-exuberance instead of the icicle bet.).  Super fun game!