Neither Hateful Nor Ignorant

My blog has been conspicuously empty these last three months because I've been struggling with the post below since November.  I could not get my thoughts and feelings on the page, and although I kept writing other posts, I couldn't post them until this one was finished.  It still falls short of the compassion and understanding that I want to convey, but it's time to post it, finally. 

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We’ve entered the 2012 election season.  My heart just aches and my stomach churns with dread.  A state constitutional amendment granting rights of marriage to ‘one man and one woman’ is on the ballot for this election.  Watching the intolerance and hatred of California’s Proposition 8 campaigns from half a continent away three years ago was bad enough.  This time I’m in the thick of it. 

The opinion pages were my favorite newspaper section.  But, what once fed my soul with sensible Minnesotan rhetoric now grieves me deeply with vitriol.  The problem is that the side of the same-sex marriage debate calling the most loudly for ‘tolerance and understanding’ is the same side generating rhetoric that is decidedly intolerant and closed-minded.  In the opinions of the bulk of the letter and column writers, because I cannot support same-sex marriage, I’m either a heartless bigot “hater” or a superstitious, frightened idiot.  There is no comprehension that I am indeed neither.

According to the writers of those opinion pieces, if one simply searches one’s soul with logic, empathy, truth and faith, one must invariably come to the conclusion that homosexuality and therefore same-sex marriage are right, good and just.  The thing is, I have done just that and really, seriously, it’s not. 

I don’t say that lightly.  I well understand that this issue cannot be considered dispassionately.  The deeply held desires of people’s hearts are at stake and it’s highly possible that people in my immediate or extended family will experience same-gender attraction.  I’ve had friends, classmates and neighbors who do.  But, after decades of earnest thought, research, prayer and living, I cannot feel that this is a way of living and loving that God wants for us. 

I’m truly sorry.  I’d like very much to give in and vote for same-sex marriage.  I hate to hurt others and I’m quite aware that my vote for this amendment will hurt others.  It’s precisely because I do love my family, friends and neighbors who struggle with same-gender attraction that I cannot give in and vote against my conscience on this matter. 

Understand that it’s not a matter of smug self-righteousness.  I struggle with too many of my own moral failings to ever consider myself better than anyone else in any sense.  (Believe that or not as you like.  I know my own mind.)  It’s also nothing to do with feeling disgusted or threatened by same-gender attraction.  Love is beautiful, period.  I feel the same way about same-sex attraction that I do about alcohol and tobacco use.  I cannot condone smoking or drinking and when presented with legislation designed to limit or penalize those choices I’m going to vote for it; but I’m not about to think of people who smoke or drink as evil or disgusting or threatening to me.  I simply consider it a poor choice of behavior, even though they often feel biologically compelled to make those choices. 

What this is—is that throughout my life (while I was thinking, researching, praying and living) I’ve come to know that God is absolutely real.  As I became convinced of the reality of God, I made vows to follow His teachings.  I take those vows very seriously.  Part of those teachings from prophets of God through past millennia includes clear warnings to avoid entering into same-gender sexual relationships.  Those instructions were not rescinded when Jesus Christ fulfilled the Law of Moses.  God gave us this great gift of our physical bodies, which are purposefully made to result in dual gender couples; and as His second great gift He gave us free-will, the ability to choose our behavior and to master our bodies’ urges. 

This situation is agonizing and I grieve, but I will vote my conscience and honor my covenants with God.  To do anything less would truly be hateful and ignorant.